A Week-End In Hell

I started this thing as a way to get some of my better "road stories" out there for anyone interested. I'm three posts in now and haven't really done a full on road story so I figured it was about time. I plan on posting more of these but you should know that they will in no way be in chronological order. I have been in 5 different bands over the last 17 years or so, each with their own adventures, so these stories will come in random order. Try to keep up...

December 1992. Lagerhead (cool name huh?) was booked to play a week-end in the bustling metropolis that is Winnipegosis, MB. Cool, we thought. We'd never been there and we always enjoyed playing to a new audience. Home town shows are great but it's cool to get out there and do your thing in front of a group of people who don't actually know you and feel obligated to support you. They weren't paying much but we still had all our rental gear from the last couple shows and figured "what the hell". On a side note, please do not get the idea that money is the all important factor here. I'd play every show for free just for the joy of it but that's not the most affordable way of doing the rock and roll band "thing". Anyway, like I said, the bar was not paying well but we figured if all went well we could get more from them next time. Besides, we had a very lucrative booking on the Sunday afternoon back home at a Christmas party for children in Shilo which would more than make up for it. More on that later...

Friday afternoon comes along and we begin loading our gear into the infamous Lagerhead Touring Sedan, in reality a broken down, worn out, piece of crap Dodge cube van we bought for $300. It barely ran but it had the coolest "aroogha" horn ever. Our trusted conveyance chose that particular day to break down for the last time. An omen we pretty much ignored as we decided to rent a truck from the local U-Haul folks. More expenses but again, we were ok with that. So after unloading one truck and loading another we were off. A little later than expected but off none the less. Our rhythm guitar player and drummer were in the rental truck while our lead guitarist caught a ride with our crew. Bass player Doug and myself went together in his car. Three separate vehicles, seven guys and way more PA gear than we ever needed. Are you keeping track of the expenses here? After what seemed like forever, really only a little over two hours, we arrive in Winnipegosis only to find that Dean has managed to get the rental truck hung up, badly. It seems that as he was driving around to the back of the bar to park the rental truck he decided he should follow the fresh snow mobile tracks in the freshly fallen snow. In his defense the actual "road" was difficult to find. While slowly following the chosen path he quickly discovered that these tracks were made by machines much lighter than our huge 1 ton rental truck. The snow also effectively concealed a rather high concrete wall. This wall was discovered by Dean as he drove over it and plunged the front end of the truck over a nearly 4 ft drop. The truck was not going anywhere. The back end of the thing was not even touching the ground any more and it was at a very nasty angle. We unloaded all the gear by pushing it uphill inside the truck and carefully lowering it down to the ground. We then had to lift and carry everything because we could not roll it trough the snow. Some of this stuff is very heavy too and required all seven of us to get it into the bar. When everything had finally made it inside a tow truck was called to free our stranded rental truck. More expense. Dean was of course by now NOT real high on anyone's favourite persons list but all things pass and we got to work setting up for the show.

As we were working we noticed that the bar was huge. It had a stage and one of those folding walls that divide the room in half. The staff told us that when we actually went on the bar would be completely open so we pointed ourselves toward the folding wall as that side of the bar appeared to be where most of the people would be. The side we were on appeared rather small in comparison. Enter the bar manager. Most of the time we dealt directly with the owners of the small local bars we played. As it turned out the owners of this particular establishment were away on vacation so they left their 18 year old daughter in charge. For the first time. Ever. She's barely old enough to be IN the bar and she's in charge. Oh well, we thought, how bad can it be? Her parent trust her with the place, we should be alright. Ha ha ha. Little did we know....

Showtime. We hit the stage for set one around 9:30pm. The bar is now completely open and we are on stage facing entirely the wrong way. The huge folding wall has been opened to reveal...not much at all. About three tables and 4 pool tables. It turns out that most of the seating and ahem, dance floor area, are directly in front of us after all. A few minor adjustments and we are now pointed, more or less in the right direction. And we're off. The bar is by no means packed. There are maybe 30 people scattered throughout the place. Apparently Winnipegosis sort of "shuts down" for the winter. There are not many people actually in town so therefore, not many at the bar. No worries, we've played for smaller crowds and still had a great time. We can do it here too. Things are moving along nicely. The small crowd seems appreciative so far. After our third song we stop and I begin talking with the crowd a little. The usually witty stage banter I have become famous for. Then it starts. A rather large gentleman sitting near the back of the bar starts yelling that he wants us to play "Bad Moon Rising" by CCR. It's a great song but not in our repetoire. I explain this to the guy but he is undeterred. That's what he wants to hear and he's not giving up. He continues yelling for the song. I take a closer look at the guy. He seems to be about 8 ft tall and weighs approximately 600lbs. He looks a lot like some crazed mountain man, dirty flannel jacket, scraggly beard, wild eyes etc. It looks like this guy has just come into town after spending the last few months out in the bush raping and killing bears. Great. This is exactly what we need. Sasquatch wants to hear CCR and we don't know it. Oh well, on with the show. I begin to introduce the next song but Bigfoot is still yelling out his request. I try to ignore him and move on but Dean, being the smart ass he is, plays the first few bars of "Bad Moon Rising" since that's how much he knows. Kong lets out a roar of approval and begins dancing at his table. Excellent, crisis averted. Dean finishes up and we go directly into our next song. About half way through a glass ashtray (you could still smoke in bars back then) comes flying up on stage and shatters off the back of Dougs' hand. Blood and glass are everywhere. To his credit, Doug finishes the song without missing a beat. Randy, lead guitar, however, unplugs his guitar and is off like a shot. I look out at the Yeti and ask what will go down in local band history as the single most stupid question ever..."Do you have anything else you'd like to throw at us, asshole?". He did. He reared up on his hind legs and made a very nearly successful attempt to throw his entire table at the stage. If not for the two girls sitting with him (I will never understand how this monster got not one but two young girls to sit with him. They were probably scared shitless of him as well and willing to go along with anything as long he didn't eat them) literalaly hanging from each of his arms, I'm sure I would have caught that table right in the face. I stood my ground however and proceeded to berate the behemoth from the relative safety of the stage. Doug had understandably gone to take care of his wound while the rest of us, except for Randy who was nowhere to be seen, held our ground. There was much yelling and profanity, threats of more violence and some very terrified looking people in the bar. The bar staff attempted to calm Godzilla down and we talked to the previously mentioned 18 year old girl who was in charge. We refused to continue until she had the creature removed from the bar. She said she couldn't do that as he was a regular and she was just as afraid of him as everyone else. We stood fast on our request however and spent the next 2 1/2 hours sitting on the stage, waiting for the beast to return to his cave out in the woods. The little girl in charge tried everything to get things under control again. She cried and begged us to continue, she cried and begged IT to leave. She went and found Randy in his room and offered him sexual favours to come out and continue the set. Finally, around 1:30am the thing from another world got bored and left on his own. We played two more songs to end the evening and prepared to pack up our gear and go home, screw the second night of the gig. Our light man came up to me after the show and commended me on my bravery for calling the man-thing out the way I did. I explained that I was not in fact being brave but rather I was too scared to actually move. Besides I said, if he were to come at me I would just hit him with the heavy base of my mic stand. It should have slowed him down enough for me to make my escape.

After much crying and begging from the girl in charge we agreed to stay and finish the gig on Saturday night. She promised to not let Gigantor back into the bar so we figured it would be fine. Saturday comes around and we decide to head into the bar in the afternoon to set up again as we had torn down a lot of the gear in preparation for our hasty retreat. What's this? The bar is closed and no-one is around to let us in. We find out that the bar is closed until 8:00pm on Saturdays because no one is around to come in during the day in the winter anyway. We can't help but wonder why anyone would book a band to come and play, knowing that the bar is most likely going to be empty any way but oh well, they did and here we are. We are bored however, and hungry. Our hotel rooms appear to be booby trapped with TVs on rickety old stands that look like they'd fall over if you tried to turn one on. We decide not to risk it and head out looking to sample the good side of Winnipegosis. Did I mention that this whole town seems to shut down for the winter? After finding nothing open we decide to make the 1/2hr trip down the road to the big city of Dauphin. We start by checking out some of the bars in town. The first one we go to is open but nearly pitch dark inside, and it has a dirt floor covered in sawdust. The people in this place look like they might all be related to our friend from last night so we don't stay. Next up is the Boulevard. A big, brightly lit strip club. Excellent, naked women is exactly what we need to take our mind off of the last place. We get there about 5 minutes after the only dancer working today has finished her last show until later this evening. Dammit! Oh well, we are told that another bar in town also has strippers and they run all day. Off we go. We get to the Tower and find it to be your typical small town bar. Nothing fancy, no big dance floor and cool lights. Lots of local drunks nursing there mugs of draft beer. We take our seats and order a round from the one waitress on duty. She's your typical local waitress. Not ugly but not gorgeous either. She's looks like she's been around and seems pretty nice. We chat with her for a while about our adventure the night before and we all have a good laugh. She seems to really hit it off with our light man. The bartender yells out that it's "showtime" but we can't see a stage of any kind. Our waitress proceeds to move a couple tables together against the wall directly in front of us. She presses play on a small ghetto blaster she put on the table, puts down her tray and climbs up onto the "stage". Three songs later she is completely naked and writhing around on a blanket in front of our light man! The last song ends and she calmly gets dressed again and returns to her waitressing duties. We end up sitting in that small bar watching the same not entirely un-attractive waitress get naked for our light guy every 20 minutes or so for most of the afternoon. We are still hungry though and finally drag the guy out of there to go searching for food. He gets the waitress/dancers number and we invite her to the show later tonight. She can't make it though because she has to keep dancing and serving draft beer here for the rest of the night!

We end up at Smitty's as it seems to be the only place open. Being a small time rock band we have very little money left after our afternoon spent with the naked waitress so all seven of us opt for the all you can eat salad bar for our meal. We completely decimated the thing. We ate damn near everything that was there. A full tray of dinner rolls and pretty much everything else as well. We also made quite a large mess. The staff did not look happy with us at the end of our meal and I'm pretty sure if we had ever tried to go back there they wouldn't let us in. We all pile into our vehicles and head back to Winnipegosis to get ready for the show.

Showtime part two. We get into the bar and get things ready to go. The crowd is a little bigger than the night before and saints be praised!!! The giant from last night is nowhere to be seen. We go on and actually manage to play our full three sets this time. We are however still kinda pissed about the way things went down so we play all three sets with attitude. Usually we were a fun loving, happy go lucky friendly sort of band. This night we were in full on F you mode. I barley talked to the crowd at all and we basiclaly just played one song after another as quickly and aggressively as possible. At one point during the last set I had the mic stand between my legs and was leaning forward making mean "rock faces" at the crowd. It came time for me to start singing again so I started to bring the mic closer to my mouth again. At this exact moment Doug, the bass player decides to step on the base of the stand which is on it's edge, between my legs and slightly behind me. He stepped very lightly but when added to the fact that I was pulling the mic up to my mouth anyway, this caused a chain reaction that brought my mic crashing into my bottom lip with sudden, violent force. My lip exploded on impact. I'm pretty sure I chipped a tooth as well. Blood started gushing from my mouth and I spent the rest of the song yelling out a stream of the most impressive profanities I have ever uttered, directly into my still working microphone, all the while attempting to kick Doug and threatening to kill him right then and there. He looked just as shocked as I did angry. We finished the song and he apologized. We started the next song when it became apparent that my mouth was no longer under my total control. It was pretty badly damaged so we cut the set short, said good night and F you to the crowd, and I went off to collect our measly $600. The little girl in charge was very difficult to track down. I thought she might be avoiding me but I kept up my search while the rest of the guys began tearing down and packing up. We were getting the hell out there tonight and driving back home right away. We could not leave town fast enough. I finally find our "boos" for the week-end and she proceeds to explain that she is not going to pay us the full, agreed upon amount because we did not play a full night on Friday. I rather calmly explained to her that that was more her fault than ours since she did nothing to get the Beast out of the bar and that if she had done that, we would have played the whole night. Suddenly this meek little girl who had spent most of last night in tears and offering her body as incentive had a complete and total personality change and became quite aggressive and belligerent. I can give as good as I get so I changed my attitude as well but she held her ground and refused to pay us the full amount. I took what she was willing to pay and made it perfectly clear that our agent would be in touch with her parents. The more mature, professional version of "I'm telling!". I went back to boys, explained the situation and we finished loading and got the hell out of Dodge, making sure we left the biggest possible mess on the stage and in our rooms and vowing never to return to Hell on earth, er, I mean Winnipegosis.

After driving through the night, taking rest stops to sleep on the side of the road every now and then we make it home. Doug and I did the math during the ride and discovered that renting the truck, getting it towed, and getting stiffed by the bar manager, coupled with the cost of gas and equipment rental we actually came home from this gig owing money. Excellent! That really made it all worth the trip! Thankfully we still had the lucrative Xmas party in Shilo on Sunday afternoon to help offset the loss. They paid us $400 to set up and play a grand total of two songs before Santa arrived. The audience was mostly children under ten and a few parents so volume and profanity levels were very low. We got all the hot dogs and chips we could eat as well and there were more kids than expected so Santa went long and we never played another note that afternoon. The people in charge of this show did NOT stiff us on the payment so we were able to cover our costs after all. Doug and I look back and laugh at the whole situation now but we are still in agreement that we will never return to Winnipegosis. I can't help but wonder if the beast is still up there in the bush, raping and killing bears with his bare hands..........

6 Weird Things About Me

I've been tagged. I'm still pretty new to the whole blog thing so I'm not %100 sure what that means. As far as I can tell it means that I have to post about the topic above since that what I was tagged with. I can do that. So, without any further ado....

6 Weird Things About Me...

1 - I hate to be barefoot. I need to always have at least a pair of socks on. The only exceptions to this rule are sleeping and bathing. I like wearing shoes but can not stand the idea of not wearing socks in them. Even if I'm just stepping out for a second to take the garbage out or go for a cigarette, I need to be wearing socks and shoes. When I was an infant my mother would attempt to put me on the lawn and as she lowered me closer to the grass I would raise my feet and legs higher. When she actually did put me down I would do everything in my power to keep my feet off the grass. I still hate the feeling of grass under my feet. I also can not sing with the band unless I'm wearing shoes. I just can't.

2 - I love to be scared. I have always loved horror movies. As a kid they used to freak me out in a big way but I always came back to them. I still do. I remember seeing the classic "An American Werewolf In London" when I was about 11 or 12 and not sleeping for at least three days afterwards. It's still one of my favorite movies. I have not been really freaked out like that by a movie in a very long time but every now and then an image or scene will stick with me and come back to haunt me at the strangest times. I saw "The Sixth Sense" when it first came out and loved it. A few days later I found myself alone at home with only one light on. I got up to get something and found myself staring down a long hallway at a closed door. The Sixth Sense is full of scenes like that. This to me is the scariest thing I can imagine. I'm a 36 year old grown man and still get freaked out by closed doors at the ends of long hallways. I also like to research hauntings and ghost stories on the Internet. Every know and then I'll be reading this stuff for hours when I realize that it has gotten dark, and I'm home alone, and all the lights in the house are off. I'll get up and turn one light on, then move to another one, and another until the whole house is brightly lit. Then I'll see that damned closed door at the end of the hall. Gets my adrenaline going every time. I love it.

3 - I love playing video games but I suck at every one I've ever played. It's true. I have only ever finished or "beaten" one video game in my entire life. I keep playing them though. For hours and hours and hours, often on the same level over and over again. I get frustrated and angry and I start yelling at the screen and throwing things around the room. This is fun to me. I tell my wife that she can tell how much fun I'm having by how much profanity I'm spouting and how angry I get. She doesn't get it but it's true. Maybe that's why she doesn't like to play with me very often.

4 - I find a lot of things funny that some other people, ok most other people do not. One of my favorite things to do is surf the Internet looking for videos of people hurting themselves in spectacular fashion. Stupid people make me laugh, especially when they hurt themselves. My favorites are extreme sports kids not landing that big skateboard or bicycle jump. I LOVE that! I used to crash my bike a lot when I was a kid too. I did some stupid things on my bike but nothing like these kids today. I also laugh out loud at general stupidity. I watched a video the other day of some stupid kid who put on a pair of safety goggles to protect his eyes then lit a firecracker he held in his teeth. I thought to myself, at least he's protecting his eyes. Then I burst out laughing at the thought of what was going to happen next. Sure enough, the firecracker went off and he was instantly in very obvious pain. Blood was flowing from his mouth and the aftermath showed a few missing teeth and some really bad burns around his mouth. Other people will no doubt agree that this was a very stupid thing for this kid to do. They would also probably gasp in horror and recoil in shock at the results of his actions. I laughed my ass off and watched it about 6 times in a row.

5 - I can't eat pork. Or ham, or bacon, or any pork related product. This is a tough one for me. I love the taste! My favorite sandwich of all time is Black forest ham and swiss cheese with deli mustard on rye bread. I can't have it though. It has been a slow and gradual process that started when I was kid. I had roast pork on a bun at a scout camp. Two hours later I was being taken to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. I had it before with no problems. I thought maybe it was just something about that particular piece of pork but every time I've had it since then has turned out the same way. A lot of pain. Slowly over the last 20 years or so other pork products have begun to produce the same results. I have never been diagnosed as being allergic or anything like that. My body has just gradually decided that it won't "do" pork anymore. Pork chops, bacon, ham, ribs etc. I almost cried when I added hot dogs to the list! Thankfully they make hot dogs from beef as well or I'd probably go insane. About the only thing I can handle now is pepperoni on pizza. By the time a slice of pig has become pepperoni it has been processed to the point where very little of the original pork content remains.

6 - I LOVE bad movies. Really bad movies. The kind of movies Ed Wood used to make. Not movies that are supposed to be bad. Not movies that just didn't turn out very well. I LOVE movies made by inept directors who have no business making movies in the first place. Z grade movies. Movies with lots of mistakes and oversights. The kind where you can see members of the crew or equipment in the background. Movies in which the acting is so bad you end up rolling your eyes and thinking what the hell? Horror movies are great for this kind of thing. So are Sci Fi movies. Really bad "special" effects along with horrible acting and a completely ridiculous "plot" are wonderful things. My personal video collection is littered with these kinds of movies. If I rent something that turns out to be spectacularly awful I will immediately think "I have to buy this movie!". I own such fine cinematic masterpieces as "Redneck Zombies", "The Mesa Of Lost Women", "The Cocaine Fiends", "Whatever Happened To Spider Baby" and my all time favorite Ed Wood, ahem, film, "Bride Of The Monster". Most people argue that "Plan Nine From Outer Space" is the worst movie ever made but I prefer "Bride". It has everything a really bad movie needs and more. It was also the film that Mr. Wood himself was the most proud of and that kind of dedication and delusion has to be respected.

There you go. 6 weird things about me. Maybe not as weird as some other people but I am who I am. My mom thinks I'm cool...

Common Misconceptions About Small Time Rock Bands

I have been playing in bar bands for about 17 years now and consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject. Therefore I thought I'd take this opportunity to clear up a few myths about small time bar bands. Enjoy.

1 - We do NOT all play "Thunderstruck".
There are millions and millions of songs in the world. It is not possible for every band to know and play them all. "Thunderstruck" is a very popular song by AC/DC. People love AC/DC and it is a good idea for any cover band to play at least one or two AC/DC songs. That being said, "Thunderstruck" is not one that every one can do. The guitar part is complicated and the only man alive that can sing like that without a lot of pain is Brian Johnson. I can not sing "thunderstruck". I can not sing a lot of things but this one is nigh impossible. The AC/DC song we play was originally recorded by the band with their original lead singer, Bon Scott. Still very difficult to sing but nowhere near as bad as anything Mr. Johnson has recorded. Still the song is requested at nearly every show we play. I can remember one particular request very clearly. We were on stage at the Carberry Motor Inn and rocking out having a great time. I was lost in the moment and had my eyes closed while banging my head and just grooving to the song we were playing. The song ended and I opened my eyes to see the world's largest human being standing on the stage, directly in front of me. He looked down at me and said in a very deep, menacing, drunken slur, "Play Thunderstruck". After making sure I had not soiled myself I broke it to him as gently as possible that we did not in fact know the song. He was angry and I was nervous but I placated him with a lie. "We will definitely learn it and play it for you next time we're in town, I promise." This may sound like a bad idea but you have to remember one thing. Drunk people have very short memories. You can tell them anything and they'll likely have no clue about it the next time you see them. We were not going to be back at this particular venue for at least a couple of months so I figured this was my safest course of action. The next time we played there the same guy was back but never asked to hear "Thunderstruck" at all. I don't think he remembered us at all. He was also sober and no where near as menacing this time around either. We do not know every song ever written and therefore may not be able to play your request. Please keep this in mind when going to see a band at your local bar. Some songs we just can't play and some we choose not to. Do you really need to hear "Brown Eyed Girl" or "Old Time Rock and Roll" again anyway?

2 -We do it all for the chicks.
HAHAHAHA. People seem to have a belief that all musicians are just out to get laid. I have been singing for a number of different bands for a long time and have played many, many, many shows over the last 17 years and I have hooked up with a girl exactly 0 times. 0. None. Never. Now this may be due to the fact that I am not the worlds most attractive guy but I don't think so. It's mainly because I didn't want to. Any girl willing to give it up to a total stranger just because he's in a band is likely not "new to the scene" if you catch my drift. Sure, a lot of band guys will take advantage of a drunk and willing female but a lot of them usually end up at a doctor's office the Monday following the gig, trying to get rid of whatever memento he brought home to remember his conquest by. Think about it. If she's willing to do you, she probably did the last band guy too. Most likely the guy before that as well. I will not lie, I have been tempted over the years. I have had what I considered to be very attractive women basically throw themselves at me but I have turned them all down. Politely of course, I am a nice guy after all. Some have been a little too young for me, some too old. Most of them too drunk and too willing or too scary. We were mingling with the crowd after a show one time and a very drunk, very friendly "cougar" for lack of a better word, approached us. At the time there were five of us in the band and we had a two man crew with us as well. She invited us back to her place where she had a hot tub that seated...pause while she visibly counts us all and points to herself last....8. Ummm, thanks but no thanks. We politely declined, then attempted to make ourselves scarce as she was quite persistent. Our drummer was seen leaving with her and another girl later in the evening but he was a bit of a slut and kinda drunk himself. When he returned to the hotel he would not speak of his adventure and was visibly shaken by the whole thing. We of course made sure we bugged him about the whole ordeal mercilessly for a long time. That's what band mates and friends are for. To this day I still shudder when I think what might have happened had all 7 of us taken her up on her offer.

3 -We all make a lot of money.
Ummm, no. We don't. Rock bands don't make money unless they have a huge record deal and are touring all over the world. The odds of a band playing covers in your local, small town bar being discovered and getting a record deal based off their cover of "Born To Be Wild" are very, very slim. Yes rock bands get paid to play a week-end at your local bar. We are not exactly raking it in however. The average week-end gig can pay anywhere from $800 to $1200 for two or three nights. That doesn't sound too bad you say. A four piece band can still come away with $200 to $300 each at the end of it all. HA! Not bloody likely. Most people fail to consider that the band is not from the town they are playing in. Therefore there are travel expenses involved in getting to the gig. More often than not, the band will have rented the PA gear they are using. More expenses. That gear needs to get to the show as well so sometimes a truck or trailer will need to be rented. More expenses. These expenses add up. I have played shows where we were paid well and ended up owing money at the end of the week-end. Shit happens. There are often unexpected expenses. Your guitar player will not be paying attention and get the rental truck full of gear hung up when he drives over a snow bank that is covering a three foot drop behind a cement wall. Tow trucks aren't cheap. Or perhaps all the gear is loaded and the rest of the band has left and are on the way home when you and the bass player lock yourselves out of a running vehicle. On a Sunday. In a small town where you are strangers and everyone thinks your rich. The guy with the ability to get you back in your car will no doubt assume he can charge you whatever he wants to get you on your way. Thankfully the bass player in question is a big man like myself and the two of us were not easily intimidated so we only paid a little bit more than we should have.
So to reiterate...we do NOT make a lot of money doing what we do. We make very little money actually. The real money is in country music, but who wants to play that?

4 -We are all pot heads
Not really, no. Sure some band guys are also potheads but in my experience, most are not. Hell, I know some who don't even drink. A lot of people assume that because you are in a band then you either have or are looking for drugs of some kind. Every single time I have played with a band at the City Centre Hotel here in Brandon I have been approached by someone looking to buy drugs from me or sell drugs to me. I do not partake. Most people who know me, know this. However, I am usually a stranger to most people when we are out playing a show. Especially out of town shows. Without fail someone will ask me to go and get high with them before or after a set. No thanks. Buy me a beer if you want and I'll gladly accept it and talk to you for a while. I don't want or need drugs though. High people do stupid things and have a very distorted view of their current reality. I have been around enough musicians to know that getting high does NOT make you a better guitar player, singer, etc. I have heard many people over the years tell me that they "play better when they are high". No, you don't. You are also not better when you are falling down drunk. Being high and or drunk do NOT make you more creative either. Maybe you thought your improvised guitar solo in that last song was pure musical genius but trust me, it was not. I take great pride in what I do and consider myself to be pretty good at it. I know that when I've had a few too many beers before a show, that show is going to suck. Sure any one else who may be drunk or high is not going to notice and they will no doubt think that I am the best singer ever. These people are also wrong. Yes I am very good and maybe I am the best singer you've ever heard live, but you're high. Your opinion means nothing because you didn't actually hear me properly. Besides, if I were high I might actually consider singing "Thunderstruck" and that would not be good. At all.

These are just a few of the common misconceptions about small time bar bands. I hope I've cleared up a few things for you so that next time you go out to your local bar to see a band, you can appreciate it a little bit more. I will no doubt revisit this topic in the future but for now...you've been...THUNDERSTRUCK!!

Here we go...

Hi there! Ive been thinking about starting up one of these blog things for a while now but finally got around to it today. Who is this guy you are probably wondering. Well, I'm what I like to call a small town or local Rock Star. I sing in a local hard rock band here in Hell, er Brandon, Manitoba Canada. I am currently unemployed(musician? unemployed? I know, I'm shocked too) but I hope to rectify that little problem soon. I am married to the most wonderful woman on the planet and recently adopted my first cat. I'm 36 years old, 6ft 1inch tall, overweight and I like strawberries, champagne and long walks on the beach. I smoke too much, drink to little and sleep nowhere near enough. I'm also a little sarcastic at times and have been told I'm a little "off" so this should get interesting...eventually.

I don't know yet exactly what I'll be writing about on here. I am going to assume that most of my posts will be centred around my fabulous life and adventures as a Small Town Rock Star. Road stories, band news, general opinions about the local and international rock music "scene", that sort of thing. I am fairly opinionated and pig headed so I'll probably offend someone sometime,in fact, I can almost garauntee it. So with that said I feel a pre-emptive "get over it" is necessary. These are after all just words and the thoughts of nobody too important. This should be an interesting and fun ride though for anyone willing to come along. Hold on tight...Were gonna ROCK!!

(I can be pretty cheesy too.....be prepared)