I do it all for the chicks....(hysterical laughter)
There are many reasons why someone might get into playing music. Fame, fortune, artistic expression, boredom etc. I'd like to say I got into it for any of those reasons but truth be told...I got into it to attract women. This is NOT the reason I continue to do it and has not been for a very long time but when I first started out I was young and stupid and not very successful with the ladies and I thought, "What the hell? This is my ticket to heretofore unreached heights of sexual prowess. I am going to be a singer in a rock and roll band and get all of the attention I can handle from the fairer sex." Actually it was more like "Hey I might be able to score if I do this so let's rock!" This plan went array very quickly and I had to come up with a better reason early on. Now it's all about entertainment and I am serious about that, no jokes. I live to entertain people and singing in the band is the best way I can do that. But in the beginning....
Even with my fool proof plan for "getting some" I can count on one hand (finger actually) the number of times I actually succeeded in getting some attention from an attractive female fan. It happened at the mecca for local cover bands back in the day, The Carberry Motor Inn., and it was not exactly as I hoped it would be. The girl was very nice looking. Great smile, beautiful eyes, and a fantastic body. She had been dancing in front of the stage during the entire first set, making direct eye contact with me and giving me the most expressive "looks". I could tell by the way she looked at me and from her body language that she was interested in me. It was VERY difficult for me stay focused on what I was doing and I'm sure I messed up more than a couple songs. I was thinking "Finally! This is what I got into this for. I'm gonna score!". After the set I went to the bar for a beer and noticed that my admirer was standing by the sound board talking to one our crew guys. I summoned up all of the "coolness" I could and went over to them. Our light man introduced us and being a gentleman I extended my hand. She took hold of it and looked me directly in the eye with that coy expression that to me said "Take me I'm yours." I was in heaven. I tried to make small talk and get to know her a little but she just held my hand and smiled at me while never breaking eye contact. A little strange but so far I was hooked. At that moment I would've given this girl anything she wanted and been happy to do it. My mind was racing with all sorts of impure thoughts. When it came time to go back for the second set I politely tried to excuse myself but she held my hand firmly and pulled me closer to her. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and licked my earlobe. She then looked me in the eyes again and I got the very distinct impression that after our last set I was going to Heaven.
The second set went very much like the first with my dream girl dancing in front of me more seductively than before and giving me "the look" for the entire set. The rest of the guys had noticed her as well and started to laugh and make little comments to me between songs. Our light man especially seemed to be very entertained by the whole situation. The break between our second and third sets went very much like the first. She didn't talk much but the looks she gave me said everything I wanted to hear anyway. I was on cloud nine. Just before we went back for our last set of the night our light guy leaned over and whispered to me "Be careful man, she's nuts...so is her husband" Whoa, husband? I could deal with her being a little crazy. It might even turn out to be a good thing, but a crazy husband I was not prepared for. The third set was much like the first two. More dancing, more sultry looks and then things went to hell. A very large and angry looking man came into the bar and straight up to the dance floor and grabbed hold of my fantasy playmate's arm. She looked at me then at him and she stopped smiling. He looked at me and was not smiling either. I continued doing what I was doing but a concerted effort to not look at her or even in her direction. The angry fellow started yelling at my number one fan and the two of them began walking towards the exit. She turned back to look at me once more with that expression and he gave me a look that said only one thing, pain. I looked away from them and finished the set.
At the end of the night I was told by our light man to head straight up to the hotel room and the rest of the guys would be up right away. The look on his face said "Don't take your time, get the hell upstairs, fast!" So that's what I did. I was sitting in the room having a beer and feeling both disappointed and afraid. When the guys came in I almost jumped out the window until I realized it was not the angry husband or the hot girl. My fan and her husband had left I was told and then our light man gave me the whole story. He had known the girl for a long time and her husband as well. He had just gotten out of jail where he had been serving time for a rather violent assault. He was also known to carry a shotgun in the trunk of his car. She was known to be a rather trampy tart who got her kicks out of making her angry husband jealous. She was known to cheat rather voraciously while he had been locked up and on occasion while he was not. He had gone to jail for beating one of her conquests quite badly. I was of course feeling relieved that nothing had actually happened and that I had escaped any sort of violence. I was also quite disappointed that I was NOT going to score after all. I was a little hurt that I was just being used to piss of her husband but not hurt enough to think that I wouldn't have gone through with it if I was sure that I could have gotten away with it. I was young and stupid after all. Not to mention horny and desperate.
After that incident I was much more careful about how I interacted with the female contingent at our shows. I've also had a girl friend for most of the time while I was in different bands and of course I'm now married to the greatest girl ever and cheating is not something that I've ever been interested in. I'll talk to girls at our shows and I'm not above a little innocent flirting but that's where it ends now. I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if the angry husband had not entered the picture. That was the one and only time my "Do it for the chicks" philosophy was ever given any credibility at all in the last 17 years or so. I did have a girlfriend who apparently only stayed with me because of the band and the fact that I pissed off her parents but that's it. That was enough though. There are much better reasons to do what I do now. Beer, mostly.
Even with my fool proof plan for "getting some" I can count on one hand (finger actually) the number of times I actually succeeded in getting some attention from an attractive female fan. It happened at the mecca for local cover bands back in the day, The Carberry Motor Inn., and it was not exactly as I hoped it would be. The girl was very nice looking. Great smile, beautiful eyes, and a fantastic body. She had been dancing in front of the stage during the entire first set, making direct eye contact with me and giving me the most expressive "looks". I could tell by the way she looked at me and from her body language that she was interested in me. It was VERY difficult for me stay focused on what I was doing and I'm sure I messed up more than a couple songs. I was thinking "Finally! This is what I got into this for. I'm gonna score!". After the set I went to the bar for a beer and noticed that my admirer was standing by the sound board talking to one our crew guys. I summoned up all of the "coolness" I could and went over to them. Our light man introduced us and being a gentleman I extended my hand. She took hold of it and looked me directly in the eye with that coy expression that to me said "Take me I'm yours." I was in heaven. I tried to make small talk and get to know her a little but she just held my hand and smiled at me while never breaking eye contact. A little strange but so far I was hooked. At that moment I would've given this girl anything she wanted and been happy to do it. My mind was racing with all sorts of impure thoughts. When it came time to go back for the second set I politely tried to excuse myself but she held my hand firmly and pulled me closer to her. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and licked my earlobe. She then looked me in the eyes again and I got the very distinct impression that after our last set I was going to Heaven.
The second set went very much like the first with my dream girl dancing in front of me more seductively than before and giving me "the look" for the entire set. The rest of the guys had noticed her as well and started to laugh and make little comments to me between songs. Our light man especially seemed to be very entertained by the whole situation. The break between our second and third sets went very much like the first. She didn't talk much but the looks she gave me said everything I wanted to hear anyway. I was on cloud nine. Just before we went back for our last set of the night our light guy leaned over and whispered to me "Be careful man, she's nuts...so is her husband" Whoa, husband? I could deal with her being a little crazy. It might even turn out to be a good thing, but a crazy husband I was not prepared for. The third set was much like the first two. More dancing, more sultry looks and then things went to hell. A very large and angry looking man came into the bar and straight up to the dance floor and grabbed hold of my fantasy playmate's arm. She looked at me then at him and she stopped smiling. He looked at me and was not smiling either. I continued doing what I was doing but a concerted effort to not look at her or even in her direction. The angry fellow started yelling at my number one fan and the two of them began walking towards the exit. She turned back to look at me once more with that expression and he gave me a look that said only one thing, pain. I looked away from them and finished the set.
At the end of the night I was told by our light man to head straight up to the hotel room and the rest of the guys would be up right away. The look on his face said "Don't take your time, get the hell upstairs, fast!" So that's what I did. I was sitting in the room having a beer and feeling both disappointed and afraid. When the guys came in I almost jumped out the window until I realized it was not the angry husband or the hot girl. My fan and her husband had left I was told and then our light man gave me the whole story. He had known the girl for a long time and her husband as well. He had just gotten out of jail where he had been serving time for a rather violent assault. He was also known to carry a shotgun in the trunk of his car. She was known to be a rather trampy tart who got her kicks out of making her angry husband jealous. She was known to cheat rather voraciously while he had been locked up and on occasion while he was not. He had gone to jail for beating one of her conquests quite badly. I was of course feeling relieved that nothing had actually happened and that I had escaped any sort of violence. I was also quite disappointed that I was NOT going to score after all. I was a little hurt that I was just being used to piss of her husband but not hurt enough to think that I wouldn't have gone through with it if I was sure that I could have gotten away with it. I was young and stupid after all. Not to mention horny and desperate.
After that incident I was much more careful about how I interacted with the female contingent at our shows. I've also had a girl friend for most of the time while I was in different bands and of course I'm now married to the greatest girl ever and cheating is not something that I've ever been interested in. I'll talk to girls at our shows and I'm not above a little innocent flirting but that's where it ends now. I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if the angry husband had not entered the picture. That was the one and only time my "Do it for the chicks" philosophy was ever given any credibility at all in the last 17 years or so. I did have a girlfriend who apparently only stayed with me because of the band and the fact that I pissed off her parents but that's it. That was enough though. There are much better reasons to do what I do now. Beer, mostly.
Labels: Chicks and Rock and Roll
posted by The Big FUGR at
11:45 AM
2 Comments:
That certainly is a crazy story and not one I've heard before. I must say I'm relieved that nothing happened including your @ss being kicked by some psycho.
And you can rest assured that you are very talented and that you entertain folks a great deal.
And now you are married to the best 'chick' of all!
Hey I tagged you for a cool music meme.
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