Crime and Nudity in Portage La Prairie MB

It's been a while and I promised a friend that I'd post something last week-end so...better late than never.

It has been said that rock and roll musicians are of a somewhat criminal nature. I don't know who exactly said it but I have heard it said. It is a general misconception that most of us are criminals and we'd all be in jail if we weren't playing in bands. This was never really the case with any of the bands I've played in. Some former bandmates have done time but the criminal element was never directly connected to the band until one fateful week-end in Portage La Prairie.

The week-end started off innocently enough. We were unaware that a hardened criminal was in our midst until approximately five minutes after we arrived at the venue. Our sound tech, making his first venture out with us, was arrested within in minutes of getting out of the vehicle for the horrible, terrible, unspeakable crime of........JAYWALKING!! Yes that's right, jaywalking. We had no idea the guy was that dangerous. We knew him from high school and a band he had played in were friends of ours so we took a chance and brought him along to work the sound board for us. If we had known his potential for crimes of this nature we may have thought different but we didn't. It seems that he had developed a rather ravenous appetite on the hour long journey from home to Portage. Upon our arrival he noticed a fast food place across the street from where we were playing a set off immediately to satisfy his hunger....for CRIME! With reckless disregard for the law he crossed the street and was quickly apprehended by the local constabulary on the other side. We were in shock! How could we have let a criminal of this nature into our little group? How did we not know of his dangerous criminal ways? He was written up for his dastardly deed and handed a fine that pretty much took care of any money he was going to make during his tenure with us that week-end. He was then escorted back across the street to rejoin us as we loaded into the venue, denied the sustenance that he sought! Still hungry and now broke he grumbled something under his breath relating to the intelligence of a certain farm animal and was duly warned to keep his ideas to himself or there would be more trouble with the law. We assured the officer that he would not be of any further problem and proceeded to mock him mercilessly for the remainder of the week-end. That's what friends do for each other. Even though it was apparent that he was indeed a dangerous criminal, he was still our friend and it was our duty to make fun of him at every opportunity.

His mood was changed drastically however when it was discovered that we were not the only entertainment scheduled for the week-end at this particular venue. It seems that the bar we were playing in was also a "Gentleman's Club". As we were loading in we could not help but notice a completely nude woman writhing about the dance floor on a blanket as is the custom of "exotic dancers" when reaching the third song of their set. More than a little surprised, and not a little bit excited, we were informed that, should we so desire, we would be providing the music the live nude girls would be, ahem, dancing to this evening. This was of course fine by us and we continued setting up on the stage while the dancer finished her set and came to talk to us about our song selection etc. After getting things set up and ready to go we went upstairs to our rooms and were surprised and delighted to find the dancer form downstairs was right next door. We knew this because she was wandering the hall, still completely nude and completely oblivious to the fact that we were all staring. We chatted a little and decided on what we would play for her later on as well as the other girl who was dancing that night, whom we had not yet met and would not until we took to the stage for her next set in approximately half an hour.

Half an hour later we were back in the bar and onstage waiting impatiently for the second dancer to make her appearance. The house DJ got on the mic and gave her the usual "alright gentlemen please welcome to the stage insert cheesy stripper name here" sort of intro. We then started into our first song as agreed upon earlier and the dancer made her entrance. She was not quite as attractive as the first girl we met and very obviously high or drunk or both. She did not have a great body either. Far be it from me to criticize anyone based on their body shape but if you are going to take your clothes off for a living you should at least try to take care of yourself. I would not call her fat or ugly but she was also not exactly svelte and beautiful either. Definitely not in the same class as the first girl we met. She gave me a wink and a smile and then proceeded to ignore us for the rest of her three song set. Unlike most exotic dancers I've seen she was completely nude before the first song was finished. She was also far more attractive while fully clothed. She spent the next two songs begging the guys up front to throw loonies at her and would then proceed to bend over and pick them up in all manner of not overly enticing ways. Between her badly sagging breasts, using her tongue (eww, licking the dancefloor and putting coins in your mouth are likely NOT the healthiest choices one can make) and using other, rather interesting if not repulsive techniques. At eh end of our third song the DJ asked for a round of applause for her and she picked up her clothes and left the bar. She didn't even acknowledge us or thank us at all. No worries, we didn't really want to talk to her anyway. We grabbed a drink and waited for the other girl to come down for her next set. As a "featured dancer" she was a lot more classy than the first girl. Better looking, better body, cleaner and more entertaining. She also acknowleged us, played to us and thanked us for playing for her at the end. All around she was a much nicer person and better dancer than the first girl. She also spent a lot of time wandering around the hotel completely nude, which was certainly appreciated by us. I apologized for staring while sharing a beer with her back in one of the rooms and she told me if she didn't want us to look, she'd get dressed. We chatted about the various things dancers and musicians have in common when it comes to being on the road and life in general. We were both entertainers after all. She was a genuinely nice person and it was cool to hang out with her. Her being gorgeous and naked may have skewed my views a little though I'll admit. The two of them did not get along with each other very well and basically avoided each other most of the time. Nice girl was doing what she did because she genuinely enjoyed it and had fun while making a good living at the same time. Not nice girl was the typical jaded drug addict who had to be out of her head to perform and felt bad about herself but did it anyway. I've always said that if you don't like what you're doing, you should stop. If the second girl had the same attitude and personality of the first girl then it wouldn't matter that she wasn't the most attractive dancer on the circuit. She would become more appealing and entertaining just by virtue of having a good time with it. I've said that the same applies to live music as well. Even the crappiest, most untalented band can be very entertaining if they are having a good time while onstage. The opposite is also true. A fantastically talented band who don't look like their enjoying themselves will almost always suck live. If the entertainer is having fun, be it dancing around nude or playing music, then the audience will have fun too. Especially if the audience is also a band who happens to be playing for a hot stripper who smiles a lot and likes to be nude off stage as well.